Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
