AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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