My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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