So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
