Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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