How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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