Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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