I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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