My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
