I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
