Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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