I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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