If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
