hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
