i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Found the puke drawer
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
