Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I think your dad took our porno
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
FUCK WHALES
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
