hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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