So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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