someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
