I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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