Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
