The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
