I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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