I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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