I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
