The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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