I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
