i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
As shirtless as possible
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
