i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
