Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
