I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
