I wish my penis had an off switch
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you will always have a special place in my vag
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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