What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
