Can i not drive my cunt home
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
