And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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