Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize
