Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
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