Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
