Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
