I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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