Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
