I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
