She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
