You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
