We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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