In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
