i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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