Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
40s are totally the cure
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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