Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
