I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
