Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
MIDGETS
????
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
