just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
