I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
